fun OBSERVATIONS DEPT. from some very clever folks

more gems from Big Bend Larry (I figure he's got them all squirreled away in his bibliothèque)

For all you old farts out there (I, OTOH, being young, handsome and debonaire), here's a blast to your past (and mine - just kidding about the debonaire part). It's not until you kick over the traces of real wit and sly bon mots that the current crop of what passes for "humor" is revealed for the graceless, snarky and smirking stuff so much of it is.

 

These people - most of them departed - knew how to skewer and malign with class. They also knew how to poke fun without leaving a river of hurt feelings in their wake.

 

For my younger readers, read and learn. This is the way to go through life: exit laughing.

 

 

Observations Department

 

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter 

 

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt  

 

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain

 

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns

 

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge

 

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

 

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

 

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

 

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante

 

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Gabor

 

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine

 

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield

 

Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan

 

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath

 

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope

 

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields

 

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. (I wonder what he'd have to say today NjW)
- Will Rogers

 

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

 

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal

 

NjW

 

Nigel Watson  freethinker  727.493.1990 skype orbizen2
Blog: ORBizen Memo  http://orbizenmemo.blogspot.com/

 

 

 

"There is no greater disaster than greed." – Lao-tzu

 "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." - Krishnamurti